Old Age

Here it is. Here. Me. I could never stand old people. Grumpy looking, slow, ratty and a bit frightening. I have always done my best to avoid them. I did quite like a few old people such as my grandmother, and a couple of great aunts, but generally, just no.

I am now getting what I deserve. What I have tried to ignore, but has been inevitable since the day I was born, is now very much here. And now. I am bloody OLD. Really old.

I had just been getting used to, at first, being no longer young, but young middle aged, then middle aged, then late middle aged, etc. I suppose I have been old for nearly ten years but, with the purchase of my mirrored screen which shows my incredibly large body, my undoubted haggard, wild, staring OLD face and wild, staring old hair have been equally revealed to me. Damn, damn, damn.

An approaching birthday is yet another spiteful reminder of the inevitable. Perhaps Kook has turned against me because he, like me, is not keen on old people.

Now I may start thinking about wearing crimplene, having a perm, wearing transparent plastic rain hoods which I shall keep handy in my bag. The list is endless. I shall start by baking. I have long had it in mind to make a batch of those wonderful nineteen fifties cakes, Jap, or Japonaise cakes. These are absolutely delicious, rather like large sized macaroons sandwiched together with coffee icing. In fact I could make mini ones the size of macaroons. I shall now try and organise myself to make a batch of these, and give them away to someone who would like them.

The other day, I was reminded of my friend John, who once told me that the most irritating thing about being old was being patronised by younger people. I have discovered the truth of this. When presented by a group of older people, young people have a huge tendency to decide that the poor old things all have Alzheimer's, as well as being deaf. We are talked to as though we are about five years old, which is intensely irritating. If I had the strength, I should probably become a geriatric thug, and give these younger idiots a good kicking. Oh well.