Problems in the Sitting Room

Men putting in the new ceiling. At least the room was empty then.

Thinking about what to do with the room, I could instead have a large, beige velvet cord sofa or a shabby tan chesterfield, stick to old-fashioned table and chairs, but maybe go for a mismatch in chairs (I already have a nice old chair which needs re-covering, and could find two other mismatches in dark wood, obtain a barley twist legged largeish gateleg table with two bits that fold down, again in dark wood. I could have white cupboards made to fit the lower parts of the alcoves with a couple of shelves above. Then I could get a panel to fill the centre of the fire surround ?tiled, have a shelf placed on top of this and then put the overmantel mirror on top of this.

The main problem would be cutting away the bottoms of the fire surround to fit the skirting board, which would be even more complicated if I had a new floor put in, necessitating the removal of the skirting board. This is why I never get things done.

It all seems so complicated I never know where to start. I have to say I am heartily sick with having stuff all over the house in untidy heaps, the overmantel mirror propped up in the bathroom, pictures hanging drunkenly at random in the sitting room and the room unpainted. It is like living in a squat.

The gateleg table and chairs was my original idea for the room, until I became seduced by my current repro walnut table and chairs almost identical to ones I had in Twickenham. These had cost a lot of money new, so when I saw ones like them on Ebay for £60, I just had to buy them. They have been very useful over the years, but central pedestal tables always seem to get a bit wobbly and the chairlegs rather scratched since they are varnished. I really do prefer older things. The table does fold up and down very well though. I must have the occasional whinge about all this. I have decided that at my advanced age, I should have orderly and tranquil surroundings.

I shall give this more thought, while also thinking about what to wear to meet the telly people on Monday.

Bloody Hell's Sodding Kitchen and Dream Room

Yet another call from ITV supposedly, inviting me up to meet the ?producers? on Monday at South Bank. They are supposed to be emailing the address. We shall see. Have emailed Madeleine to ask her what she thinks. Maybe they are having second thoughts about having someone of my advanced age and size on the thing, even if it is a dry run.

We shall see. I hope they are not going to keep contacting me all the time. Perhaps if they decide against having me on Monday I will be left in peace.

Spent a long time in the sun with Malvolio today, idling reading house decoration mags. Have redecorated the living room in several different ways in my mind. Am warming towards a very modern sofa and glass table to make the place look bigger, but with my red and blue Chechen rug, and traditional paintings and old Victorian overmantel mirror propped on one of those blocky looking modern white shelves. Might even fit some cupboards in the two alcoves either side for storage. Either the new pale oak floor Dorothy chose, or, if feeling lazy and hopeless, painted gloss black to match the hall and stairs and kitchen floor. Walls white I think.

Sighs of Relief

A further call from ITV. Apparently the whole thing is a dry run for the celeb programme which will be filmed and screened later. The format is exactly the same, eg four days and nights filming. Hells kitchen house is purpose built at the South Bank and the bedrooms and bathrooms are private, but the sitting room and kitchen is filmed. So my public will have to wait (thank goodness!).

I feel considerably more relaxed about the prospect now, though they could of course be lying. They were saying they do a dry run every time for different camera angles etc. I think this is only a very small part of the story.

I think they have chosen rather gobby 'ordinary' people to see how they interact with each other and MPW, as it is the first time he has done the programme. Of course the celebs will no doubt be much more difficult and demanding.

Perhaps my two years in the Army will stand me in good stead. Just in case I am tempted to burst into tears or smack MPW in the mouth on the programme I have done a trial run myself and bought a pot of Kalms and taken the recommended dose of two tabs, which I have to say works like a charm and seems preferable to valium. It contains Valerian, hops and Gentian, which do seem to hit the spot.

Curiouser and Curiouser

Googled about and found out that two of the celebrities are supposedly going to be Jim Davidson, apparently a comedian, and Barry McGuigan, an ex boxer.

Madeleine is very concerned that my invitation might be a hoax from a mass axe killer aimed at luring me off and murdering me - alternatively that it is genuine but suspicious as all the other invitees are presumably y-list celebrities. She is suspicious that they haven't given me a telephone number and tells me that I am not being very middle-class, i.e. finding out much more about it! Then Madeleine can be a bit paranoid, but should know a thing or two as she is in the business.

I have ordered MPW's autobiography which should arrive in a day or two and which should be an interesting read in any event. I shall probably email the TV people and let them know the dates I am away, which lead right up to the day before screening. Presumably they are expecting people to turn up the evening before filming as they are all staying in the same place. Perhaps there will be a day or two at a catering school before the restaurant days. I think they have done this before.

Suspicious Mind

Stilton Ice Cream - looks better than it tastes.

I have been googling a bit and I am smelling a very large rat. Apparently the suckers doing the cooking on the TV are supposed to be 'celebrities' from various fields. If I'm a celebrity the cat's a dog. Perhaps I am being put in as a geriatric Chantelle to try and fool the other suckers that I am a celeb. Ha ha ha.

I must purchase MPW's White Slave autobiog immediately and read this before confirming any rash decisions. Imagine having to go into the programme and tell a pack of lies about yourself. My face would reveal all - if not I should be given an equity card immediately. I am highly suspicious of the Hell's Kitchen house concept. I shall read more about this, and think more (a first for me). My friends think they might put me in with loads of young guys who have been told there will be a glamorous tart coming in. My cartoonist friend suggested that if MPW shouted at me I could pretend not to hear as he was so far away, being v. tall. My cartoonist friend said he could feed me a few good lines, such as 'put this in the fridge or it'll go off faster than Marco Pierre's wives'. Well, I thought it was quite funny.

Stopping Snoring and Starting Cooking?

Steps to the old pottery at Rye.

I await with bated breath the snore-stopper for Dorothy. If it works it will be wonderful for Julian. I can't wait for January in Jaywick, truly the centre of the universe. The audience will be tremendous. Miss Bettawear (my spelling) aka Johnny, is a kind girl with a heart of gold, and what is more, a true showgirl.

Just unclogged the pond filter, watered the garden, washed and hung out some clothes, emptied and refilled the dishwasher, so had better tidy up and get out to do some shopping.

Just ordered copies of some of my snaps of the holidays to show the trustees. I expect the seniors will like them, and we will mount them on a large card at the Christmas party for people to take the ones they like.

Telly people have rung again. They are keen to have me on the programme, but apparently I have to have a police check which they will sort out and a food hygiene certificate presumably ditto - sounds like a food hygiene course - not sure how much time this will take up.

Also apparently I will have to stay in the Hell's Kitchen house with the other contestants. Not sure about this one. If there are lots of stairs??or not enough loos??it may not be do-able. Will ask them when they ring again.

Actually the whole thing sounds a bit of a nightmare, but could be a laugh. My cartoonist pal tells me Marco Pierre White is very tall, and says I should get a very tall chefs hat to accentuate my shortness and roundness, and appear wearing that to appear taller in the line-up! Like the short guy in 'It Ain't Half Hot Mum'.

Getting less certain about this being a good idea for me as I am not sure that my health would stand up to the strain of slaving physically in the boiling heat and being constantly screamed at for four days and nights. All for nothing, except the dubious joy of looking a total prat on TV. Hmmm.......more later.

Still Sick - But Shall Go To The Carnaval

With Mummy.

Feeling even worse - the sore throat has become a chest infection. Fortunately I have a day's leave tomorrow, so maybe I will have recovered by next week.

I hope to be better by Sunday for the Carnaval del Pueblo which goes past Borough and the Elephant and Castle down to Burgess Park with masses of traffic stopping floats from 12 midday. I hope to get down there and take a few snaps of wonderful latino costumes etc. It was very good last year.

We have been trying to sort out more holidays for people needing extra care. Romy is going up to Sandringham to have a first-hand examination of a place which seems eminently suitable. Romy knows all the rules and will be looking very closely at accessibility etc. Just sent off the tickets, maps etc for the forthcoming theatre outing.

Doing last machineload of washing from the holiday. All ready for the next one in a week or two. Hope I'll be better by then. If things look bad I have an emergency supply of antibiotics from abroad just in case.

Phone rang twice today from a withheld number. Think it is the telly people whingeing for my photograph. Must email it today.