Tuesday, 26 February 2008

On and On and On and On Ad Nauseam............

Well, it just runs and runs! We finally told telly people we would not take part. Silence for a while. Then a sudden email agreeing to our very reasonable demands, and ten minutes later I was off to my first dinner at a stranger's house in a telly limousine. Half way there I had a garbled phone call saying there was a 'tiny alteration' to which I foolishly agreed, before putting the phone down when I realised they had taken back their previous agreement. Romy was occupied with more serious business. I suppose I could have demanded to be taken home, but decided to carry on and talk to Romy later. After all, we had signed nothing.

Met the other diners and had a very good, if rather cheffy meal. Fortunately everyone was very pleasant and got on well. I have to say the food made my cooking look like school dinners, in a bad way.

I have just finished the soda bread and am lunching with Romy who is very busy today.

Monday, 25 February 2008

Bag Lady Saga - Goes On, and On and On......

Forgot to mention a further mishap - Ocado said my eggs had bit the dust - they had broken on the beer bottles, and, I discovered afterwards, also the sugarlumps, about half of which I had to throw away.

Perhaps to compensate, the other bud on my amaryllis now has two further lovely flowers, and two buds on the way. That bulb was an excellent buy.

It is now 11.45 and Romy due at 12. If they have not come back to me soon, it is too nice a day to waste hanging around on telly business. Malvolio has still not forgiven me, and I have eaten half a box of chocs to compensate for the misery. They are Gordon Ramsay's Just Desserts, which turn out to be quite decent IMHO. Tant pis for the dinner guests - if it happens! only problem being that their loss will be quite literally my gain. The only post today has been a catalogue of things for men.

Telly, Bread and Malvolio

Now 10.45 in the morning. I rang a tellyperson who said she would get someone to call me and deal with our query. This was over an hour ago and nothing has happened. We shall see.

Just in case it is happening Romy will come here at about 11.30 with the contracts and various bits of paper for me to hand over when I see someone. Once I sign this I shall have to keep quiet about the whole thing, annoyingly, as there is a kind of secrecy clause. Botheration.

I am trying to find out the name of some special soda bread from Borough Market, but Dorothy has not replied to my email so far. I may have to actually go up there, if I don't manage to make some myself.

Have now had an email from a tellyperson who says they are consulting their insurers and will get back to me. Romy and I are now definitely feeling like having a day relaxing at the Sanctuary.

I left the back door open for a bit and another cat came in and attacked Malvolio, who saw it off and gave me some very crabby looks. I had to give him a bit of dry food to make up for my misdeed.

Sunday, 24 February 2008

Absolutely Fed Up

It is now 10pm and I haven't a clue what is happening. I shall go to bed, the shopping will arrive at 8-9pm and I shall just have to play it by ear.

I must remember to avoid anything like this in the future. Unfortunately, if we are to go ahead, instead of starting with a positive attitude, I am now so hacked off with the whole thing that I will need a huge sense of humour transplant. With any luck the whole thing will be off, and, apart from having landed myself with masses of unwanted groceries, at least the flat will be looking better and I will be able to relax and get on with other things.

Malvolio is whingeing a bit. I think he is having a pre-bedtime food beg. Unless he is whingeing in sympathy which I somehow doubt.

Contracts, Puke and Paint

Back and forth again. Romy not entirely happy with their contract since our concerns have not been fully addressed. However she is willing to go ahead if they confirm that they will indemnify us against any claims by third parties. Still waiting to hear from them at 4pm. We shall see.

Walking to the shopping centre this morning, there were three piles of vomit over the pavement on the way. People sure know how to party around here. Trying to buy some flour in Marks, I discovered the bag had burst all over some black suede shoes I had bought at the same time. What with the paint all over my shoes the day before, and a recent discovery of paint spilled on a pair of jeans, it is not my week.

I must avoid contact with paint. Made some more peppermint creams which need to dry overnight. I have been looking at my clothes in case this programme goes ahead. I not only need clothes for each evening but also clothes for the interviews each day. Will make a list of suitable combinations. I still do not have the ingredients for soda bread so will have to try tomorrow. I do wish I could find a khaki top as I have a new khaki skirt. They are just not in the shops this year.

Saturday, 23 February 2008

Telly Incredibility, Good Film and Miss Bettawear

It is early Sunday morning and I find it hard to believe that the telly people have sent a contract once, let alone twice. The second time was meant to be after 6pm last night, twelve hours ago and it is still not here. As for the first sending, if it had been sent to the wrong address, surely it would have bounced back? There is an increasing credibility gap here.

I have told Romy I shall wait until lunch time today, then ring them. My suspicions are definitely increasing that they have found some other mugs and are just keeping hold of us until the other people have signed.

Watched a very funny Coen brothers film on TV last night. Can't remember the title but it is a take on The Ladykillers set in the American South. Really very good and quite silly. Malvolio attacked me at 5am this morning and paced across me for some time, digging the odd claw in. I am now exhausted and have given in and got up.

Miss Bettawear rang last night. It seems the move went very well, but she has had to get rid of her antique furniture and is now living in the modern world, apart from her study where she keeps her old desk, and sits in there when she wants to be surrounded by antiques. My bedroom is my 'antique retreat'.

No Shoes, No Makeup, But Glasses and a Very Long Bus Journey

Well I tried. Got on a bus to Oxford Street at 11, an hour later nearly at Trafalgar Square. Then discovered the usual route blocked by police due to a 4am stabbing, so the bus then went up Charing Cross Road and round Centre Point. I thought it would then go into Oxford Street, but no, it was blocked so the bus went down Charing Cross Road again and then turned right into Shaftesbury Avenue, then made several turns before getting into Regent, then Oxford Street. It took two hours altogether and then I did not like the shoes in John Lewis, but did manage to get some glasses which were very reasonable.

No revised contract in email so rang telly people who had apparently sent it last night, obviously to wrong address. They are re-sending it after six tonight when they return home, so I can forward it to Romy. What a palaver. Dorian in Thai place framing several of Tom's cartoons for display. Had an excellent beef pad thai for a very late lunch and came back to much purring and affection from Malvolio. Cupboard love, I think.

Friday, 22 February 2008

Telly Saga

We have been backwards and forwards with tellyland people for a day or two and things are still up in the air, though filming is supposed to begin on Monday. How can I possibly choose a televisual gown with all this going on?

Even worse, I was spraying a pink wooden chair white for the show, and afterwards noticed white dots of spray paint all over my black patent shoes which I wear most of the time.

I have developed a rash on my right cheek with all this drama, and have lost my makeup so cannot cover it up at all. I shall have to buy some more makeup and more shoes, tomorrow.

Just in case all goes according to plan, I have been cleaning silver and polishing glasses. If not, I must invite some friends around for dinner.

Have not dared contact Dorothy, who may still be crabby. Malvolio is also a bit crabby this evening. I have been into the spare room to do some ironing, and this is his private territory.

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

To Film or Not To Film?

More telly people here today - they are filming us on Wednesday but need to interview me every day before I am taken to dinner and after I stay overnight and on Saturday morning when they announce the winner. There will be ten marks for food, ten for hospitality and ten for being a good overnight host and breakfast giver. Romy took the opportunity to buy a cool new outfit. I pointed out that I shall need at least seven outfits, but may confine my purchasing to one or two. At least my hair looks a little better. Madeleine says we are cheap telly fodder which is true enough no doubt. It will certainly be an experience, and it just shows how sad my life has become that I foolishly welcome these highly inconvenient new experiences.

Not at all sure whether it is happening as we need to change a couple of small details in the contract. We will be on short notice since filming is supposed to begin on Monday and today is Thursday. I hope to find out tomorrow, but will carry on regardless meanwhile.

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

It's Not All About Me- Or Is It?

The telly people have hardly stopped ringing us today and can't decide whether we are to be filmed on Monday or Wednesday, but will presumably decide tomorrow. We have managed to find a singer who may be able to help us out with the entertainment, but we shall see.

I have been womanfully devouring the trifle singlehanded. It has become a meal replacement and, delicious though it is, is becoming a bit of a chore to eat at this point. It may be some time before I make it again, which will only happen when there are half a dozen people to eat it.

I am becoming rather worried about Dorothy who I have texted and emailed several times with no reply. This may be due to work pressure however. I shall call Dorothy today to check if all is well.

I am having odd dreams: last night I dreamed that I dropped my mobile telephone and that it fell on the ground in so many pieces that I could not put it back together. As I was picking up all the pieces I saw some broken false teeth which I left on the ground, but later, on looking in a mirror, discovered to my horror that several front false teeth were missing. I put this weird dream down to telly anxiety aka stage fright and was glad to see all my teeth in place on waking.

Yet another call from Tellyland. They definitely want to change the date to Wednesday, so of course I had to ring our possible singer, who can fortunately do Wednesday.

Finally, Dorothy has been in touch, but is v. busy.

Sunday, 17 February 2008

Huge Trifle, Hairdo and Chosen People

I wonder if 'laptop back' is a real condition? Hunched as I am over mine, this would seem a possibility.

In a mood of experimentation last night, I not only tried some pickled cloves of garlic bought from the Turkish shop, which were very pleasant and crunchy, but possibly only for eating at night when not expecting company, but also made a Nigella trifle involving blackberries, limoncello and mascarpone. I am keeping it to ripen in the fridge and will eat a bit today. There is so much of it I shall probably throw the rest away unless a starving person turns up at my door soon.

Just received an email from friends who are trying the new Delia cookbook, which advocates the use of tins etc. All reminds me a bit of my Fanny Farmer American cookbook which is full of such recipes, some quite successful.

Oh dear, have been chosen for the telly programme. Had a call just before having my hair done. Bought some fab Jo Malone Red Rose cologne and some v. nice candle perfume. Also popped into Evans and managed to find some tops.

We are being recorded next Monday it would seem. At least we will get the worst bit over and done with first. Eeeek!

Laptop Back, More Food and Nasty Knee

Back again. Dorothy has brought back my computer with a new hard drive. I seem to have a problem as I can't edit these posts - the little pencil thingy has disappeared.

Anyway, Romy and I did a 'dry run' dinner last night. All was OK though we overcatered a bit and I have discovered a new quick wash on my dishwasher which means we can rush things out and dishwash everything between courses so that at the end there is not much left to do. As I would be having an overnight house guest, leaving the flat clean and tidy before going to bed would be extremely important, as would not becoming paralytic and therefore totally hung over in the morning, since this would all be going out on film. After last night, I am not sure how keen Romy will be to do the programme anyway, though people did seem to enjoy themselves.

I am having my hair highlighted tomorrow finally, rather overdue as the colour is becoming very dingy.

I spent Friday hanging around the hospital having my left knee x-rayed, since I have been having problems walking and there is quite a lot of pain.This had come on overnight some weeks ago and had become worse since. I was told it was probably 'wear and tear' though I had thought this was a gradual process over years rather than a sudden process overnight, worsening day by day. I may get a referral to an orthopaedic surgeon as I feel there is a definite mechanical problem in the knee or the tendons behind the knee, or both. Perhaps it will get better and will just take some months rather than weeks. We shall see. Meanwhile I shall do most of my shopping on the internet and limit my walking about, which makes the pain worse. The amaryllis is also on its last legs.

Wednesday, 13 February 2008

Shortlisted - Ooops!

Lawks - a call from Telly Towers to say we have been shortlisted and will hear on Monday if we have been chosen. We are inviting some friends to Bag Lady Hall on Saturday to attempt a dry run. It should be fun because they are friends, and will give us a good idea how long things take to sort out. I have cut down some enormous IKEA table mats to a manageable size more appropriate for my tiny table. Must hem and iron my cloth. Still agonizing about napkins but may settle for large paper ones. We shall see.

Tonight I have a meeting at work so will contact Julian to see if anyone can feed Malvolio, otherwise he will have a long wait, poor thing. I put his poo house outside a few days ago. He has refused to use it since. I am not sure whether this is because it is outside, or because I had to use a new kind of cat litter, Ocado having run out of crystal litter. I am having my hair done on Friday as it is sadly in need of highlighting.

I am very nervous in case we are chosen, but at any event I shall be glad to organise a few dinner parties for friends. I have been very lazy for years and we have been eating at restaurants all the time. It's much more fun to do it at home and gives me a chance to try some new recipes.

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

Collapsed Computer and Good Lunch

Telly people on to us with a vengeance. Have now been shortlisted for the prog and will know if selected by next Monday.

A nightmare has happened - my Apple has bit the dust. It was behaving more and more erratically, but eventually would not obey commands and kept coming up with a a question mark in the middle. Dorothy tells me it is something to do with the hard drive so he is putting a new one in so I am sans computer except at work.

A lovely lunch at Simpsons yesterday with Dorian. It is always reliably good there and feels comfortable each time we go back. We always have their roasts, which are so good, with separate mini saucepans of cabbage and roast potatoes. Very enjoyable.

Friday, 8 February 2008

Telly, Bag Theft and Porcelain Purchasing

Oh, just remembered a vital and significant thing - the telly people said that the marking for food and entertainment would be done openly, i.e. in front of the markee - and marks were up for 'discussion'.... Hmmmm. Evidently they are trying to find ways of provoking us, hardly required in my case. Explained to Madeleine that I had made a complete arse of myself in front of the camera. She thought it was quite funny. She said we should sign the contracts before the filming, if we were chosen.

She told me about her bag theft and how the thief had not touched her credit cards but had just taken her pay as you go £50 mobile and some money, and for some reason had torn up her filofax. She went back to where the guy who had found things had been and found most of the addresses from the filofax so she now has our numbers and so on. She is very upset about the phone, but mainly about the bag, which was her most expensive and wonderful bag ever. Anyway she is now recovering from the nasty incident and says everyone has been very helpful.

I shall think about going to John Lewis today to find some white porcelain plates and bowls to make a six piece setting and some individual butter dishes. I have enough glasses apart from the champagne flutes, and Romy is going to try and get hold of a few of these, and provide the coffee cans for our soiree. Since someone would be staying for breakfast, I would absolutely need to make sure the washing up was done the night before, so loading the dishwasher would be a priority and might be able to be done as events proceeded.

Telly Stuff, Cava and Pad Thai

Talk about shameless! Romy and I met a nice telly person here. For some reason I was quite pleased that only one guy showed up. THEN he told us the twist - I have to have a guest staying overnight and give them breakfast in the morning. THEN he got out his camera and started filming us chatting.

It seems that there is no pay as such, but a food budget of I think £175 and a prize of he thinks, £1000 to the winner. It is going to be called something like House Guest. They are seeing about 20 sets of people, then someone else is choosing who will participate, which may happen on 18th, then filming from 25th onwards. We wandered around the flat being filmed and I was totally gobby, while uncharacteristically, Romy was a bit quiet and guarded. I think the camera took her by surprise even more than me. Also she is very discreet, which can hardly be said of moi.

Anyway I hardly stopped talking and being filmed - 'showing off' my mother would have called it - until he rushed out of the house. I thought we had seen him off a bit, but Romy felt we would definitely be picked. Another thing, he suggested that we might think about some 'entertainment' during the course of the evening. We thought about several parlour games which might be good, then about a young singer who we knew who might just be willing to put in an appearance and sing a couple of songs. We shall see.

Aaaaanyway, at the end of all this we both fell into the Lye Torng, knocking back a couple of cavas, then we tucked into a pad thai. We came back to Bag Lady Towers for coffee and chatted about possible menus, clothes, etc. etc.

Thursday, 7 February 2008

Stolen Bag and House Tidying

The amaryllis is really out now.

Received a call to ask if I knew Madeleine last night. A guy exercising his dog had found all sorts of stuff thrown on the pavement, including her keys, purses, address book etc. Took his number and phoned Madeleine - no reply. Spoke to Dorothy who phoned her mobile - no answer, so phoned police to see if she had reported stuff missing - no result. The man said he was going to leave her stuff at a local pub! I Emailed her at Dorothy's suggestion. Received a call at 3am from Madeleine. She had been having drinks in Chelsea and when she went to leave, discovered her bag missing. She had borrowed lots of money to get a cab home and have her front door broken down. Nightmare. She is going to ring again this morning. At least she is OK.

Telly people coming round today at 12. Romy arriving at 11.30. Julian kindly came around last night and took some rubbish out, also changing the light bulbs in the kitchen.

I have clambered over the cement low wall into my front area to make an attempt to remove all the huge flakes of paint which had blown over from next door and found various bits of building stuff which I chucked back there - should have chucked the paint bits back too but I'm an old softy.

Malvolio is very cross because I put his poo house outside. Kitchen looks better though.

Wednesday, 6 February 2008

Flat Inspection and Menus

My amaryllis is even more blooming.

Romy has kindly agreed to do the programme with me. If it happens. Madeleine thinks my flat is a bit small and might be a bit of an issue. Anyway they are coming tomorrow so this will be sorted out. We shall draw up some possible menus but what we cook will depend on which day we are cooking as Borough market is not open every day. We shall see. I really don't mind if we don't do it as the house is now tidier, and I shall be doing a few dinners for friends. Madeleine has volunteered to be a guest. I shall also approach the vixens and my college friends and Dorothy and Madeleine, of course.

I have booked a table at Simpsons for 2.30 on Monday for Dorian's birthday lunch.

Blooming Amaryllis

The amaryllis has started to open on one side. It is white. More pics as it unfolds.

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Poor Old Malvolio

A rather restless night and woke up at 4.15am to hear Malvolio puking on my rather expensive Kashmir carpet. As I cleared it up (it was not too bad, fortunately) I tried to decide whether this was a feline dirty protest against my newly cleaned flat, or a reaction to the Frontline flea treatment I had administered.

I have moved the furniture around yet again, almost to its original position, except for the table which has been made more accessible for dining.

I have decided to make the effort and start inviting people to dinner. However, before that I must take Dorian to Simpsons for his birthday next Monday as it is a kind of anniversary of the time we both went there on a sudden impulse, two years ago, when he was desperately ill, but perked up quite a lot in the genial surroundings of Simpsons, managing to eat and drink quite well.

Thinking about recipes, I was rather keen on doing a garlic prawn starter, but Dorothy and Madeleine decided this could be tricky, and suggested pissaladiere, which I think is even more tricky unless I serve it cold with a few leaves. For a main course I am dithering between pheasant in red wine, boeuf bourgignonne and Algerian lamb with couscous. Puds will either be trifle, macedoine of fruits, or my good old oranges in gin.

Monday, 4 February 2008

More Domestic Trivia

I have achieved far less than I had anticipated today. I felt extremely tired and my back ached a lot, so I just managed to go to the chemist and pick up a prescription, had a coffee at Lye Torng and bought a few things at the shopping centre, including light bulbs for the kitchen.

After that I made some home made onion and cheese soup for lunch, pottered around in the house and kept falling asleep. Tomorrow my house cleaner is arriving at ten, and we will have a real attempt at cleaning up and tidying up before Friday.

Ann the cleaning lady has been and made a fair job of domestic improvement, so much so that she will be visiting Bag Lady Towers for a couple of hours every other week to clean the floors, mainly. I am left with a few bits of pottering about to do and will then make a start on the silver.

Back to work again tomorrow.

Good Evening, Nasty Parts and Work To Do

It's Monday again. I had a very quiet Sunday, just collected the papers, had a coffee in the Lye Torng and read them for a bit. It was a really cold day so I went home. I had suspected my rumtopf had been leaking, well oozing, slightly at the bottom so bought another container and decanted it. Because of the size and shape of the container this has left me with a couple of jam jars of fruity rum with a little fruit in it which I shall somehow have to strain into a bottle. I shall be forced to eat the fruit, but the drink will make a very pleasant liqueur.

Dorothy and Julian came around bearing wine and food. Dorothy put my cupboard together which looks excellent in the hall and we proceeded to consume red wine, a huge tin of bloc foie gras, lots of jamon, amazing huge green olives stuffed with almonds, some fabulous cheese etc.all followed by large slices of pandoro.

It seems that they had a good meal at La Cave. They went to a trendy party on Saturday night which turned out to be fairly awful, with young upper class types dressed for some reason in restoration costumes with white faces, black spots, wigs and costumes, behaving like idiots - Dorothy expected Harry to turn up in Nazi uniform at any moment. Things did not improve with the appearance of two old men dressed in harnesses and very little else, exposing their entire elderly front bums. Dorothy explained that the place was very crowded, which meant that these 'parts' would brush against all the passers-by and became difficult to avoid. Not a pleasant experience I imagine.

Unexpectedly I am feeling rather more positive about my dull existence.

The amaryllis is definitely white, with a small bud at the base and two white flowers unfolding at the top. I shall snap them when they are properly open.

Today I shall take some things to the dry cleaners, do some more washing, try and get the rest of my downstairs clutter under the stairs, then have a serious look at decluttering the kitchen and outside. The front area really does need sweeping out as the people next door put indoor paint on their window ledge which predictably peeled after a week or two and blew into my area leaving huge flakes of paint.

Saturday, 2 February 2008

More Domestic Trivia

I wondered why I have been aching so much recently. I have for once been eating five a day, mostly fruit, and just read that fructose is really bad for arthritis, so maybe four veg and one fruit might be better government advice in my case.

I have spoken to Dorian, who might be an extremely reluctant possible kitchen accomplice if Romy cannot do it, but it depends on which day etc. I shall have to sound out another possibility or two I suspect.

It is absolutely freezing. Had an excellent chicken Pad Thai for lunch and have retired to sleep it off. I really must try and get to the shops, if only to purchase a tin opener since mine has fallen to pieces.

Just woke up and it is 5pm. No wonder I can't go to sleep early at night. Malvolio has clawed me awake to give him his dinner and is trying to get me away from the computer now. The amaryllis looks as though it is going to be a lovely creamy white, but needs to open more before I am sure.

Have just heard about a site called beedogs.com which is quite funny. Lots of pictures of dogs (and a few owners) dressed as bees. Does not compete with cuteoverload.com but still pretty good.

It is Dorian's birthday on Monday week, and my turn to pay for lunch, so we may revisit our first venue, Simpsons, which we have so much enjoyed, unless he has another idea in the next few days.

Friday, 1 February 2008

Furniture Moving and Anniversary

I was moving the furniture about a bit to get the optimum dining configuration and I think I have achieved this. Aesthetically it is far from perfect but really quite good for dinner in that the chairs can be comfortably pulled out for seating.

However, when I was moving one of my new white chairs in from the hall I saw lots of rather nasty scratches on the seat of this where I must have dumped some shopping. They look like plastic chairs but are obviously painted and have not benefited from being scratched. I really could do with one more for dinner, but never mind, will use one from somewhere else.

Funnily enough I did not have to move the chaise longue arm, so one less thing to do. I am still slogging away in the bedroom and spare room. I shall have a major go at the silver next and check how many matching glasses etc there are. Pity I only have a set of four of the "Onde' plates and things. A good thing they are all white, though. I am not sure whether to do mats, which I prefer, or a tablecloth. And if a tablecloth, a white one with linen napkins, or a brightly coloured printed Danish one which I got from Gudrun Sjoden. Decisions, decisions. I may be completely wasting my time, but it is all good fun. If nothing else I now have a reasonably decent dining area so will have to start actually doing a few dinners.

In all this it had quite escaped me that it is Dorothy and Julian's eleventh wedding anniversary today. They will go out to dinner tonight, and I expect they will go to a club or two tomorrow night.

Telly and Flat

Ocado have been, I have bathed and the telly people have rung. Apparently the only difference from the Come Dine With Me programme is that the cooking people are a couple - could be husband and wife, relatives, colleagues, friends, whatever. As I am rather slowly cleaning the Augean stables I was a bit horrified to hear they want to interview both people in the house to make sure there is enough room to film etc. They are coming around next Friday at mid day so whoever is helping me has to be here.

By a huge stroke of good fortune my neighbour's cleaner happened to be here today, so I have pressganged her into a major cleaning and tidying effort which will happen next Tuesday, so I will have to take a day's annual leave then. We were having a chat, and she may be available to come on some of the day trips to help with wheelchairs etc., but unfortunately not on the holidays, as she has lots of other little jobs. I think this is why we cannot find anyone to do this, as anyone who is at home either has young children, or works at various little jobs.

I am still desperately clinging to the idea that Romy may help me out with this one, but I may have to have a word with a couple of other people 'just in case'.

General Mess and TV Addiction

Having said it would take weeks, I suddenly see that the bud is starting to open on my amaryllis. I shall soon know the colour. I am surprised as it has been quite cold recently and is even colder this morning. I am trying to tidy the house a bit - a losing battle despite filling half a dozen black bags with old rubbish. I now have a wardrobe, two large chests, and a chest of drawers full of stuff I am undecided about.

I am trying to get into a monk-like frame of mind and tell myself that all I need in life is a small iron bed, a chair, a table and a chest in which to keep a couple of towels, a change of bedding, a spare blanket and a couple of changes of clothes. Maybe a kettle, a knife, fork and spoon, a cooking pan and a small cupboard with some food. Dream on, Bag Lady, and start thinking about cleaning all that silver you bought, now black and grimy.

I am now awaiting the arrival of Ocado before I bathe. There is nothing more irritating than having to get out of the bath to answer the door, telephone etc. My neighbour is just leaving the house for work. I am rather late getting up today because I was watching TV late last night and Malvolio only started attacking me at about 7.30am. I was watching Wife Swap, with Samantha Fox and Freddie Starr. Freddie Starr's wife got on very well with Sam's partner, but Sam and Freddie were a nightmare. Correction: Freddie was a nightmare. Sam for some reason was expecting him to be nice and funny, but he was really unpleasant and childish. Spoilt I suppose. Glad I am single.