En panne.
Things started badly: the chairman arrived so late we nearly left him behind, someone forgot her passport and someone else forgot her insulin. After resolving all this we set off. All was well and we arrived in France and had a most enjoyable lunch, when our driver discovered a puncture, fortunately while we were still at Le Thome de Gamond. This took a couple of hours to sort out, during which time we bought extra drinks and at least the weather was lovely and the staff very helpful, considering they do not open in the evening and normally go home straight after lunch. Then the hotel proved very difficult to find. We arrived eventually, but dinner was not good because they seemed to have kept it hot for hours.
The next day we set off to have lunch in Arras. This town is full of narrow streets and we could not find the restaurant. Fortunately a local woman took pity on us and getting into her car with her children, drove ahead and guided us to the main square where the restaurant was. Of course the whole square and road was covered with cobbles. I nearly toppled over twice because of my bad knee. We had someone in a wheelchair and it was very difficult to make it to the restaurant. Afterwards, poor Romy had to wheel three people over the cobbles back to the coach, two of them rather heavy.
Arriving back at the hotel people went to their rooms to rest and get ready for dinner. We had intended to shop the next day on the way back home but discovered that everything would be shut for May day. Romy attempted to retrieve the shopping situation by taking the coach to a supermarket near the hotel. Our driver fetched the coach and everyone was contacted to do some shopping and delay dinner for the second night. We half filled the coach with shopping enthusiasts, got to the supermarket and it was bedlam - cars everywhere and barriers stopping the coach from getting in. Eventually the coach managed to park fairly nearby. Some intrepid shoppers braved the heavy traffic and managed to join the huge queues inside. It was a walk too far for me so I stayed in the coach - I could not bear to look out - it was like an obstacle course of speeding cars, narrow passages, and Romy trying to guide punters through to the supermarket without any fatalities.
Dinner had been delayed once more. As we had encountered so many problems on the trip I decided we were doomed, and suggested ringing the restaurant we had booked for the next day's lunch to make sure all was well there. Somehow I was not entirely surprised to hear that they had not made the booking and would be closed. We then realised that France was closed on May 1st and we had to organise lunch for 53 people. At this point our coach driver suggested visiting Sint Flora in Belgium if this was open, having a sandwich lunch and doing a bit of shopping there before catching the ferry. We managed to contact them, and fortunately they were going to open.
We left the hotel without further mishap, and this went well, a nice relaxing time at St Flora, lovely sunny gardens outside and a shopportunity for the deprived.
Then, we all had to get out of the coach at customs and I injured my knee even more while waiting to get back on, and was cursing the sour-faced customs officials. Unfortunately the sudden pain of this new injury lead to my inadvertent use of less than parliamentary language, and this emboldened one of the punters to see me in a different light, and thus embark on a serious of rather filthy jokes (nevertheless quite funny) as we spent hours delayed in traffic on the journey to London.
Despite all these misadventures, the food was fine, the hotel was very good and the weather was excellent. Our punters took the whole thing in good part and were very good natured about everything. Our driver, and particularly Romy, were absolutely excellent, helping everyone such a lot including the maimed and useless writer of these words. Romy must be totally exhausted, and deserves a medal for her energy and enthusiasm, despite the odds which were heavily stacked against her. With my knee, I was a total liability.
I am so happy to be home. Malvolio is being very affectionate indeed. I am rather surprised, and think he may have actually missed me, since he is not normally given to displays of affection.
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