Watched The Apprentice last night where Alan Sugar sent the hapless fools into Ideal World TV to sell their own chosen items live on TV. The session started with much patronising comment on the saddos ( like me) who buy stuff on TV. Apparently we are all called Mavis and have huge tits (the second bit was right,anyway).
Simon and his team chose a small mini trampoline, some little sticky pads for decoupage, and a folding lightweight wheelchair. |The other team were almost as hopeless.
The first highlight of the show was a girl trying to demonstrate a carpet cleaner by not being able to get the cloth wiper on to the end, fumbling around and saying 'OK' constantly and finally wiping muck all over the floor before realising the machine was not actually turned on, before being 'terminated'.
The funniest bit was Simon, the prat, jumping up and down on the trampoline in a suit like Mr Bean and saying breathlessly how it was great exercise - 'look I'm doing it with my legs apart now!' he crowed triumphantly - 'such good fun'. He then demonstrated how to fit the legs on the base of the trampoline by holding this in front of him at trouser fly level with the leg sticking out toward the viewers,screwing it on, and meanwhile describing what huge fun this was for all the family and how easy it was for the kids to do, etc. etc. He then proceeded to put five more legs on in this manner with a running commentary which from the watcher's point of view, became funnier and funnier. At this point Alan Sugar is watching his TV screen incredulously, saying 'look where you've got the leg!', covering his face and 'get him off!' and in the studio, everyone is falling about with laughter, apart from the staff of Ideal World, who are aghast, and losing money very rapidly. I haven't laughed so much for years.
Emails of complaint from watchers followed. Strangely though, despite the complete ineptitude displayed throughout, two wheelchairs, Simon's choice, actually sold and saved him from the sack, which was reserved for the girl on his team who incompetently chose and terribly demonstrated the sticky pads.
The other team, selling magic knickers - 'for those who can't be arsed to lose weight' with a man and girl team, the guy getting more and more embarrassed, actually won the competition and were sent away for a pampering session in a Turkish Bath.
Wednesday, 30 May 2007
Another Ikea Rant
Home from work last night I discovered a delivery note. The delivery company who work for IKEA in Croydon had tried to deliver a door without letting me know, and had been given two wrong numbers as a contact for me, so I was required to ring their number to arrange redelivery. Tried today and there was no answer.
Rang Tracey at IKEA, whose main concern was to discipline the person who had given them the wrong numbers, and said I would have to try the delivery company again.
I finally got through to the delivery company, who told me they would deliver on Friday 'if IKEA gave them the correct paperwork'. They also said they had been instructed to pick the faulty door up from my house.
I said I was not a kitchen fitter, and the door was fitted to a cupboard. They then said I would have to contact IKEA, and ask for correct instructions to be given to them including cancelling the pick up of the door.
I then rang IKEA. The phone of the kitchen people had been diverted to another number who knew nothing about kitchens. They said I would just have to try again when Tracy (the kitchen person) got back to the kitchen department.
I have now completely given up on this since I know that Tracey finishes work at 2pm and I actually have a job of work to do and just dont have the time to liaise between IKEA and their delivery company, who should really be talking to each other instead of me.
I rang the kitchen fitter and explained the situation and he kindly agreed to try and get IKEA to do their job of delivering the kitchen cupboard door. All this so that he can find a time to fit the door!
The thing is, if only the store staff were not so absolutely hopeless, the kitchen fitting by IKEA is very good. There are very good guarantees, the cupboards and equipment are good and the price is very reasonable.
I have heard that Croydon is the worst IKEA store in the country. I think this could possibly be true.
It is extraordinary to think that this whole kitchen episode began nearly a year ago and is still going on.
Rang Tracey at IKEA, whose main concern was to discipline the person who had given them the wrong numbers, and said I would have to try the delivery company again.
I finally got through to the delivery company, who told me they would deliver on Friday 'if IKEA gave them the correct paperwork'. They also said they had been instructed to pick the faulty door up from my house.
I said I was not a kitchen fitter, and the door was fitted to a cupboard. They then said I would have to contact IKEA, and ask for correct instructions to be given to them including cancelling the pick up of the door.
I then rang IKEA. The phone of the kitchen people had been diverted to another number who knew nothing about kitchens. They said I would just have to try again when Tracy (the kitchen person) got back to the kitchen department.
I have now completely given up on this since I know that Tracey finishes work at 2pm and I actually have a job of work to do and just dont have the time to liaise between IKEA and their delivery company, who should really be talking to each other instead of me.
I rang the kitchen fitter and explained the situation and he kindly agreed to try and get IKEA to do their job of delivering the kitchen cupboard door. All this so that he can find a time to fit the door!
The thing is, if only the store staff were not so absolutely hopeless, the kitchen fitting by IKEA is very good. There are very good guarantees, the cupboards and equipment are good and the price is very reasonable.
I have heard that Croydon is the worst IKEA store in the country. I think this could possibly be true.
It is extraordinary to think that this whole kitchen episode began nearly a year ago and is still going on.
Tuesday, 29 May 2007
Colonel Ghaddafi, Rosario and IKEA
My brain has definitely gone. I did not fancy Saddam Hussein. It was that guy in Jordan - Colonel Ghaddafi. I knew it was someone in a silly uniform.
My friend Bob's mum, Rosario, rang tonight. Haven't heard from her in many years. She is teaching piano a bit and trying to get someone to quote to do her kitchen. Reluctantly suggested IKEA as, if she can only get them to sort her out, they are extremely reasonable. Having suggested them, it seems they were trying to deliver the last piece, a door,here today. They left a note to say IKEA had given them two wrong phone numbers for me and would I phone them re redelivery! I shall ring them tomorrow and when the bits are delivered, I will ring the fitter, who is more reliable than the stores, fortunately. Then the kitchen will be complete. I must tell Rosario if she is getting formica tops only to get the postformed ones.
My friend Bob's mum, Rosario, rang tonight. Haven't heard from her in many years. She is teaching piano a bit and trying to get someone to quote to do her kitchen. Reluctantly suggested IKEA as, if she can only get them to sort her out, they are extremely reasonable. Having suggested them, it seems they were trying to deliver the last piece, a door,here today. They left a note to say IKEA had given them two wrong phone numbers for me and would I phone them re redelivery! I shall ring them tomorrow and when the bits are delivered, I will ring the fitter, who is more reliable than the stores, fortunately. Then the kitchen will be complete. I must tell Rosario if she is getting formica tops only to get the postformed ones.
Monday, 28 May 2007
More Canteen, Taiwan and Evil Malvolio
Canteen is in the middle of Spitalfields market. Very modern, with lots of glass and long benches. We had a very good rioja crianza, starters of soup and potted shrimps, then on to an Arbroath smokie with salad for Dorothy, and I had smoked haddock with spinach and mash. Julian also enjoyed the meal and we finished up with passable coffee. I had eaten too much all day to have a pudding, much to Dorothy's disappointment. Dorothy is on the GI diet and had stuck manfully to this, but was hoping for a taste of some forbidden sugary carbs which were not forthcoming.
I had another email from Taiwan. It seems that Bob is married and teaching English there. He is also a brilliant photographer, and maybe when I learn to cut and paste I can put in a link to his site here. I told him about my pathetic snaps on Flickr. His mother is living in Ealing and I now have her contact number so will get in touch.
Malvolio has forcing me up in the mornings down to a fine art: at about 5.45 or earlier if I am unlucky, I hear him coming back from an outside visit. He leaps on the bed and walks all over me pounding at me with his paws (and claws). If I stupidly have a hand out of the bed he forces his head under and walks under the hand, and continually repeats this. I pretend to be asleep, but after about fifteen minutes of this I am forced to get up. If I manage to stay asleep during this whole thing he gives up for an hour or two, but this is a rare event.
Canteen, Greed and Emails
Dorothy and Julian have kindly invited me to dinner tonight at Canteen in Spitalfields. I am looking forward to this. It really has been cold and wet all weekend. I intended doing masses of cleaning today, but instead, vegetated in front of the TV watching old films and eating too much. I shall not be desperately hungry as a result of this.
Had an email from Dorothy's childhood friend Bob through Facebook wanting to know if I was still living in Barcelona. Also had another from Roberto's wife through Genes Reunited as my emails sent to their normal email address don't seem to be getting through, though they are not bouncing back to me.
Malvolio has eaten his dinner in record time and is trying to persuade me to give him some extra dry catfood. Since he is probably as bored as I am I may do this.
Had an email from Dorothy's childhood friend Bob through Facebook wanting to know if I was still living in Barcelona. Also had another from Roberto's wife through Genes Reunited as my emails sent to their normal email address don't seem to be getting through, though they are not bouncing back to me.
Malvolio has eaten his dinner in record time and is trying to persuade me to give him some extra dry catfood. Since he is probably as bored as I am I may do this.
Men, Shopping and Malvolio the Destroyer
According to a TV survey, most women fancy Brad Pitt. Which shows how out of touch I am. To me, he looks like someone's kid brother. However, I realise that I have odd tastes in men - ?Saddam Hussein???? My eyesight has never been very good. I hasten to add that these tastes have not been based on personality - just looks.
Conspicuous consumption again. Today I ordered a folding jewellery case which is supposed to stop the jewels from tarnishing. It has lots of little compartments for everything and can hang from a door. It also has an integral mirror AND a small travel case. Missed the leopardskin one! but consoled myself with a turquoise one. At the same time I ordered some things which you fasten to the fastener of a bracelet and necklace and this in turn fastens magnetically, so you don't have to spend hours putting necklaces on. Quite handy, hopefully.
My cat Malvolio has been looking crossly out of the catflap. It has been pouring with rain solidly for the second day and he is reluctant to get wet, but keen to observe/hunt the fledglings outside. He is definitely becoming stir-crazy - pacing around the place and stropping his claws on the sofa arm, which cost £450 to cover just over a year ago, and now has bits of stuffing coming out of it. Having ruined the front of the arm, he is now moving to virgin territory on the side of the sofa.
Sunday, 27 May 2007
Mykel, Nibby and Famous Men I Have Fancied
Had a couple of emails from Mykel who wanted to know where I lived. He knows south London and Surrey a bit. No more news from Roberto and his wife who are no doubt very busy packing for France. I am going to ring Nibby in Australia later - she was out when I rang last week, so I do hope she is there today.
Have now spoken to Nibby who has done most of the work on her new house and run out of money in the process, so I shall not expect to see her here later in the year. However she is trying to sell her shop in the Scottish borders. If this goes through she will have a bit more money to improve the house, build a garage and decking etc. and maybe come over to UK for a short holiday.
Was just watching Walid Jumblat being interviewed on the telly. I used to fancy him for some strange reason, which led me to think about famous people I have rather fancied over the years. I had a bit of a 'thing' about pop singers Adam Faith and Paul Jones when they and I were young. Even deeper in the mists of time I seem to recall writing my one and only fan letter to someone called Rory McEwen who sang Scottish and calypso songs on a Cliff Michelmore telly programme which came out in the early evening - might have been called 'Tonight'.
Other unlikely candidates for my affections include Bryan Ferry, the younger Tiny Rowlands (who looked a bit like Bryan Ferry does today), and even more oddly, Saddam Hussein in his younger days. Fortunately I am beyond the age of fancying anyone very much, though I suspect the actor Julian Rhind-Tutt, would have been in real danger when I was young. Which shows how random these things are.
I told Nibby about the T shirts in Peacocks, and she said they should be marketed to oldie women. Or oldie gay men.
Have now spoken to Nibby who has done most of the work on her new house and run out of money in the process, so I shall not expect to see her here later in the year. However she is trying to sell her shop in the Scottish borders. If this goes through she will have a bit more money to improve the house, build a garage and decking etc. and maybe come over to UK for a short holiday.
Was just watching Walid Jumblat being interviewed on the telly. I used to fancy him for some strange reason, which led me to think about famous people I have rather fancied over the years. I had a bit of a 'thing' about pop singers Adam Faith and Paul Jones when they and I were young. Even deeper in the mists of time I seem to recall writing my one and only fan letter to someone called Rory McEwen who sang Scottish and calypso songs on a Cliff Michelmore telly programme which came out in the early evening - might have been called 'Tonight'.
Other unlikely candidates for my affections include Bryan Ferry, the younger Tiny Rowlands (who looked a bit like Bryan Ferry does today), and even more oddly, Saddam Hussein in his younger days. Fortunately I am beyond the age of fancying anyone very much, though I suspect the actor Julian Rhind-Tutt, would have been in real danger when I was young. Which shows how random these things are.
I told Nibby about the T shirts in Peacocks, and she said they should be marketed to oldie women. Or oldie gay men.
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