Menus and Nightmares

I was helping Dorian by proofreading his menus and selecting a legible typeface. We discussed all this and decided it might be productive to laminate some A3 menus he had already designed and place these on a few tables as an experiment. That way, the tables would look already 'laid' to some extent and customers could start choosing their food as soon as they came in.

I fully intended to have a look at the beginning of the Tour de France, or at least go to Southwark Park and have a look at the Bermondsey Beat, picnic in the park, but even the prospect of Chas'n Dave could not convince me to stray so far from home today.

Had a nightmare last night about a proposed boat trip. For some reason there were thousands of people and a tiny boat, and I had used all my own plates to lay on lunch before the trip. Somehow, after the lunch, chaos took over while people were pushing each other out of the way to get onto the boat first, and I was left behind washing huge piles of dishes in a kitchen on the bank. I do hope this is not a premonition.

Nothing Much to Report

The workman finally turned up at 2.15. He was limping around, having had an operation on his cruciate ligament, but somehow managed to fix the cupboard properly. Of course, no one had told him to bring paint to repaint the door frame. Julian has offered to do this at some time, so it will have to wait.

Dorothy and Julian off to Paris. I do hope they have a good time. At least the surroundings will be different.

Had an early dinner in the Thai place - prawn Penang, my favourite.

Still feels strange without television, I suppose I will get used to it in time. I am certainly reading a lot and listing to the radio, though not getting as much done in the house as I had hoped.

Hard Times

A bit pissed off since I have cleared out the kitchen for the last remaining work to be done, and now at 12.05 have been told they are coming tomorrow. No point in putting things back. Might as well spend the rest of the day's leave doing more stuff in the house.

It still feels very strange without TV, especially in the evenings. I do seem to have much more time though, and spent a couple of hours in the pub with friends last night. I am going to bed really early, and reading much more.

I am currently reading essays from Elia randomly, as I need stronger concentration for anything else. I do like the archaic language of Charles Lamb, and his affectionate descriptions, particularly of the old timers in the South Sea House. Probably for younger readers the whole thing would be too much hard work, too sentimental and would be seen as pointless in the modern world, where people like Alan Sugar seem to be heroes.

Irish Questions, Still No TV

Rain pouring down all day and another night sans TV. This is not good.

Met my bigot northern Irish pal in the pub for the first time in three years. Before he became very drunk he kept looking at me and said I looked very 'girlish', which I can only assume was a compliment, unless of course he meant dim, thinking about it. I have a short bobbed haircut and had run out of batteries for my curler, so the hair is childishly straight. We had a long chat about paranoia, and back on to his favourite subject: the plight of the poor single working class Paddy in London, etc. etc. My Irish cartoonist friend then turned up, and we had quite an interesting Catholic/Protestant thing going for a while, with universal contempt for the Frank McCourt type of novel about deprived Irish childhood, but still a general condemnation of the Christian Brothers, who had 'educated' one of them, mainly (it could have been worse) by beating him up.

Dorothy thinks I will have to get a technician in about the TV which means involving my neighbour upstairs as they will no doubt need access to the roof. Maybe I will see if I can live without a television and treat this deprivation as a kind of test.I have only known a couple of people who were single and did not have a TV, one of whom was my art history tutor, who made a huge point of this to us all the time. His life however was considerably more exciting than mine. We shall see.

A Night Without TV

A whole night without the telly.

Although my surroundings are familiar, I feel I am in some kind of remote island, strangely set in the middle of a town rather than in the sea. Everything unusually quiet.

Went to bed at 9, woke up at 6.30. All yesterday evening I was unsettled. I usually spend most of my evening watching TV, but after a few attempts to make it work, gave up. The house was so quiet that I spent some time in the kitchen listening to the radio.

Eventually drifted off to bed with a few mags to look at until I dropped off to sleep.

Still feels strange this morning. Have been reading a few blogs, and putting a few snaps on Flickr. Must get out today and hunt for a small prezzie for Dorothy, though the two bombs found (fortunately before they went off) in the West End are a bit of an off-putter. Not to mention the almost continuous rain.

I Am a Drunk and Thinking About Having an Exhibition

I consumed three cocktails in succession today, Fortunately they were on the weak side so I managed to get home without noticeable staggering, and, apart from a short snooze in the afternoon which I often have anyway at weekends, no apparent side-effects. My tolerance to alcohol has definitely improved, though I still cannot keep up with most people I know. Then again, it could be that most people I know are serious alcoholics.

Put a few more pics on Flickr and some in groups. There is even a group for telly pictures, so put a couple of the trooping of the Colour on. I am still trying to decide whether to bother to have an exhibition in the autumn. For: I have quite a few paintings which fit into groups and I might make some money. Against: it will cost a lot to have them framed, the gallery will take a large commission, I will have to acquire a more up-to-date mailing list and pay for publicity and wine etc for the opening. Also nobody might come. Against is winning at the moment. With no transport, even if I buy frames from IKEA, getting them back will be a huge job, let alone all the work involved in actually framing them properly. I shall keep thinking about this. I may just frame a few in different frames to see how they look.

Nibby's New Residence

Just had a chat with my sister Nibby in Kangaroo Valley. She has just moved into her tiny place. She has a marvellous marble bathroom and a new IKEA kitchen and wonderful river views, but there are still boxes all over the place. It seems that a family of possums have moved into the small roof space. I have suggested fixing a security light to the wall where they go in and out with a sensor, which might deter them and send them away, but apparently they are quite territorial.

She has sold another couple of paintings which will help with the renovations. She tells me that she is buying a siamese kitten. She has been without a siamese cat since she has been in Australia, but otherwise, has always had one since our family sealpoint cat Lulu, bought when she was a small child.

She is on a flood plain and it has done nothing but rain recently. However, neighbours have assured her that her house has never been flooded, unlike many in the vicinity.

I told her about Dorothy's new clothing departure and she said her gay friend has bought a large fridge magnet of the 'only gay in the village' character from Little Britain, which you can apparently dress up in all his different outfits. May purchase one of these from Old Compton Street, probably American Retro or somewhere similar.

Forever Lost Canadian Cousins

I was supposed to meet some distant long lost relatives from Canada tonight. Having rather rushed tea at Roast to contact them, there was no reply from their hotel room, so I left a message with my telephone number. However, they did not call back, so I assumed that their fourteen day tour of England, Scotland and Wales had taken its toll. They are due to take a very early train to arrive in Devon before mid day tomorrow to pick up their hire car because the office closes then. I hope they manage to catch their train as London transport is apparently rather disrupted.

Having had such an enormous tea, it was actually rather a relief not to have to go out to dinner. However I do hope the distant rellies are all right, since they had previously been so keen to meet up. I am afraid that under these kind of circumstances I do tend to imagine dramatic adverse events such as hospital emergency admissions and so on. It is far more likely that they were just tired. It has just occurred to me that the hotel staff may have failed to leave my message with them, but too late to ring them up. Tomorrow I shall ring the place where they are staying in Devon to send my best wishes for their holiday. This blog is getting more and more Pooterish. I really need severe editing.I shall be painting everything in the house including the bath, red soon.

Dorothy, Roxy and Madeleine

Dorothy has bought some goldish bronze shiny leggings from Mango, lots of glittering make up and sequins for the face, also some white leather bootees with green velvety fringing, and is looking for some imitation hair on strings with which to decorate a jacket.

Dorothy is turning into a resurrection of Leigh Bowery. I am a concerned parent. I am assured that this is the latest club clothing and that the extreme look has become de rigueur now.

I have counselled caution when walking in the streets, day or night, and that a taxi might be a sensible form of transport. I shall seek hair on strings in the ethnic hairpiece shop.

Roxy appeared today, looking thin but fit. She is now able to drive about again and get back to tarting up her recent flat purchase for a sale. She has undertaken to try and contact the other vixens as I have failed dismally in this respect.


Madeleine has been acknowledged for her research in the Spoto book on Alan Bates. This is good to know and I hope she will now go on to write a book herself.

Tatty House, Street Crime and Crap Internet

Just ordered the Tommy Steele autobiography 'Bermondsey Boy'. Apparently it has lots of local references and should be quite interesting to me as I was at school locally in the fifties for a short time.

Xpenditure - have just ordered a silk crushed pleats gypsy skirt. Romy had a call from a punter while she was in Spain. I really don't know why she takes the office mobile away with her - total madness.

I was told that the most tatty looking house in my street was for sale. I googled it and saw it was for auction by a mortgage company but had been withdrawn from the sale. Presumably sold privately. It was described as having an income of £32,000, though I can't imagine this. Apparently it is somehow divided into two flats. I cannot think why someone does not completely renovate it as flats around here can sell really well. I hope someone 'does it up' as it is currently a bit of an eyesore.

Just had a bit of a drama outside - a lot of shouting and small crowds forming. A guy was caught in the basement area of a house - the owners came out armed with sticks and grabbed him. He said he was just having a pee - they maintained he was trying to break in. Anyway, fifteen minutes later two police cars arrived, he was arrested and taken away in a van. Got a few snaps but nothing exciting. Perhaps that is why the house has not sold before.

Dear me, all this happening when I am trying to get my makeup on to go to the Skylon.

My internet keeps disconnecting somehow and my laptop is on a permanent go-slow. I wonder if I need a new one, but haven't had this one for long. I am hardly computer literate so all I can think to do is to keep unplugging things, then plugging them in again which sometimes works. Sometimes getting rid of all my tabs seems to help, though Dorothy tells me this is complete nonsense.

IKEA, Richmond Park , Roast and Skylon

Waited in until 12pm for the IKEA delivery. Rang the people who said they were in fact delivering tomorrow when they had agreed to my request of delivering today. I wonder whether they will deliver the right item?

Madeleine finally rang to admit failure on the theatre front and to say she had purchased a new car and wanted to drive to the country tomorrow for tea and scones in a nice old fashioned cafe. I told her she was living in the nineteen fifties and the best tea places are in central London. However she then suggested Richmond Park which does admittedly have a tea place. She is going to try and get the car horn working before she comes up to collect me. IF it is fine. Before I did my foundation course and degree, I went to the Adult College in Richmond for a prefoundation and A level course. Our class went to Richmond Park to do some landscape drawing. We also went to Marble Hill Park, near my house at the time. We had some nice summer days painting there.

Malvolio has taken to sitting near the dry food supply, mewing plaintively. I will not be moved.

I was moved at midnight. Malvolio still whingeing, so gave him small handful of dry food.

I must be psychic. Ikea van turned up today (Saturday) with two of the three items. No handle for boiler cupboard so will have to contact them yet again.

Am now going to afternoon tea at Roast with Dorian on Monday, Skylon with Dorian again on Friday, then Skylon again the following Thursday lunchtime with Romy. Had better not order any more food from Ocado. Drank a couple of glasses of champagne for lunch outside in my mini-garden. Madeleine due at around 2.30 today for our jaunt to Richmond Park. I will definitely take my camera. Maybe we will have time to have a brief look at the Isabella plantation which should be in full flower. No word from Dorothy and Julian. I expect they have been out clubbing.

Canteen, Greed and Emails

Dorothy and Julian have kindly invited me to dinner tonight at Canteen in Spitalfields. I am looking forward to this. It really has been cold and wet all weekend. I intended doing masses of cleaning today, but instead, vegetated in front of the TV watching old films and eating too much. I shall not be desperately hungry as a result of this.

Had an email from Dorothy's childhood friend Bob through Facebook wanting to know if I was still living in Barcelona. Also had another from Roberto's wife through Genes Reunited as my emails sent to their normal email address don't seem to be getting through, though they are not bouncing back to me.

Malvolio has eaten his dinner in record time and is trying to persuade me to give him some extra dry catfood. Since he is probably as bored as I am I may do this.

Men, Shopping and Malvolio the Destroyer

According to a TV survey, most women fancy Brad Pitt. Which shows how out of touch I am. To me, he looks like someone's kid brother. However, I realise that I have odd tastes in men - ?Saddam Hussein???? My eyesight has never been very good. I hasten to add that these tastes have not been based on personality - just looks.

Conspicuous consumption again. Today I ordered a folding jewellery case which is supposed to stop the jewels from tarnishing. It has lots of little compartments for everything and can hang from a door. It also has an integral mirror AND a small travel case. Missed the leopardskin one! but consoled myself with a turquoise one. At the same time I ordered some things which you fasten to the fastener of a bracelet and necklace and this in turn fastens magnetically, so you don't have to spend hours putting necklaces on. Quite handy, hopefully.

My cat Malvolio has been looking crossly out of the catflap. It has been pouring with rain solidly for the second day and he is reluctant to get wet, but keen to observe/hunt the fledglings outside. He is definitely becoming stir-crazy - pacing around the place and stropping his claws on the sofa arm, which cost £450 to cover just over a year ago, and now has bits of stuffing coming out of it. Having ruined the front of the arm, he is now moving to virgin territory on the side of the sofa.

Mykel, Nibby and Famous Men I Have Fancied

Had a couple of emails from Mykel who wanted to know where I lived. He knows south London and Surrey a bit. No more news from Roberto and his wife who are no doubt very busy packing for France. I am going to ring Nibby in Australia later - she was out when I rang last week, so I do hope she is there today.

Have now spoken to Nibby who has done most of the work on her new house and run out of money in the process, so I shall not expect to see her here later in the year. However she is trying to sell her shop in the Scottish borders. If this goes through she will have a bit more money to improve the house, build a garage and decking etc. and maybe come over to UK for a short holiday.

Was just watching Walid Jumblat being interviewed on the telly. I used to fancy him for some strange reason, which led me to think about famous people I have rather fancied over the years. I had a bit of a 'thing' about pop singers Adam Faith and Paul Jones when they and I were young. Even deeper in the mists of time I seem to recall writing my one and only fan letter to someone called Rory McEwen who sang Scottish and calypso songs on a Cliff Michelmore telly programme which came out in the early evening - might have been called 'Tonight'.

Other unlikely candidates for my affections include Bryan Ferry, the younger Tiny Rowlands (who looked a bit like Bryan Ferry does today), and even more oddly, Saddam Hussein in his younger days. Fortunately I am beyond the age of fancying anyone very much, though I suspect the actor Julian Rhind-Tutt, would have been in real danger when I was young. Which shows how random these things are.

I told Nibby about the T shirts in Peacocks, and she said they should be marketed to oldie women. Or oldie gay men.

T Shirt Slogans for Big Girls

While in Peacocks yesterday with my friend Lee, we saw a T shirt with the slogan 'Your Boyfriend Wants ME'. I suggested that at 65 years old and weighing about 17 stone, perhaps I should purchase this. We both laughed a bit, but I felt there was a good marketing opportunity here - making giant T shirts with such ironic slogans for Evans or similar. Subtle slogans such as 'I shagged your boyfriend' - the possibilities are endless.Reminded me of my last visit to Evans where they were playing the Pussycat Dolls hit. Of course these T shirts could be seen as empowering for the larger lady. Not to mention a bit scary for men.

Oldie Replicas and Baby Bird

Just emailed The Oldie mag about the replicas from www.mempackcompany.com. My stepfather in Canada was delighted to receive his replicas and wanted to know the address of the website. I think these really do make great little pressies for oldies.


Had coffee with my friend Lee this morning. She has had a welcome week off work. I told her about our trip to France and she has offered to help us with wheelchairs etc. if she is available when we have more outings. Since she is qualified in senior care, I think this will be a useful offer to add to any possible help we may get from Julian, and may leave Romy 'hands-free' to direct operations on these trips. Or to push another wheelchair!

My evil cat, Malvolio is torturing me for food. I have tried telling him he is at least half an hour early with his demands, but he is circling me like a black shark, ready to throw himself against me and trip me up should I stray from his food area, i.e. kitchen. Earlier, when I had a cup of tea in the garden, he was eyeing a poor fledgling bird who was attempting to learn to fly - the parent birds watching him while he watched the baby bird intently. Perhaps that is why he is rather impatient today. His appetite has been whetted.

Day Trip to France and Selling House

D-day tomorrow. The weather forecast is good.

Our first job is to transport two wheelchairs from my house at 7am to the meeting place.

Our next job is to check everyone in and see all passports. We have a seating plan for those less abled.

When the coach comes we reserve certain seats for those, then load up the boot with the scooters and wheelchairs. Then we set off.

We are going on the shuttle on the coach which I sincerely hope has loo facilities. We are aiming to make the restaurant by 1pm for a leisurely lunch after which we shall proceed, hopefully seeing a little of the coastline to Euro Cite for some shopping before the return journey.

We should arrive back around 8pm. It is a bit of a marathon day, but because people will be sitting in the coach or the restaurant for most of the time, should not be too tiring.

Just had an email from Roberto's wife. Their buyer has let them down so they are selling at auction. Hope it goes well.

It's the day. Romy is on her way. Weather looks good - so here goes!

How We Are, Flickr and Worries About France

I thought Dorothy and Julian were avoiding me - but they are just cooking. I needed advice about how to get some snaps on to Flickr so they were part of the group which is exhibiting at Tate Britain. However I managed to do this without help.


I received the invitation to the private view at Tate Britain today, which is the actual day of the private view and was not inclined to drop everything for this on a dull and rainy day. Not brilliant organisation. There is another private view later in June which I shall go to. They are at least temporarily showing all the snaps ( my few seconds of fame) before selecting 40 for a special exhibition later this year.

I also sent a snap of my bangles and a mirror I made as requested by my step brother Roberto and his wife.

I turned the rest of the Stilton ice cream into Stilton and celery soup which I had for dinner tonight.

There is a nice girl from Peru working at the pub. She was threading tiny glass beads on wire to make a very small chandelier. It seems that she is studying theatre design at St. Martins and has to make small maquettes for the different sets. She was amazed that we were going to France just for the day. I do hope it won't tire everyone out too much as it is a very long day. I hope it won't rain.

Johnny Will Be Shirley Bassey - and More!

It's a tragedy - Julian will be in Barcelona when my friend Johnny's cabaret show is on so I shan't be able to go and do his makeup and see the show.

Johnny tells me the white slinky dress looks marvellous - he had it made especially, and apparently the dressmaker has also made him a leotard for another act. He assures me that he is able to walk in his 'bling' high heeled sandals, size 9 from the Littlewood catalogue - so much so that he forgot he was wearing them when he answered the door to the postman yesterday.

He will send me a video of the show. All 120 seats sold in less than an hour, which is a good start. I really feel I will be missing something here - the sight of a 68 year old 6ft 5" man in bling sandals, a sexy white slinky dress with flowers stuck all over, a black wig and suntan makeup would be a sight for sore eyes even if he couldn't sing, act or mime - and I'm sure he will do all three to the limit.

He has met some nice new straight friends, an elderly married couple who adore him and are always inviting him to tea and dinner. I am very pleased to hear this, as he has always been popular with the ladies!

A Matter of Female Directors and Male Critics

There's been a reviewers row over the play I saw: A Matter of Life and Death. It seems that most of the heavy (male) critics have been heavily slagging it off, and Nicholas Hytner has come to its defence. Of course the director is a woman. So often plays which have critical acclaim - Rafta, Rafta, for example - I find to be amusing but not exceptionally good, but those such as a Matter of Life and Death, which are slammed, I find to be some of the best I have ever seen. This row is described in todays' Observer.

However, also in the same paper there seems to be general agreement that the new architects have restored the Festival Hall sensitively to something approaching the original 1951 concept. I shall look forward to seeing this when it opens in a month. I shall definitely try eating at the Skylon restaurant.

Interestingly, some years ago a friend of mine came across two of the original seats from the Festival Hall. Having bought them for around £300, he sold them at auction for nearly £2000. They were sold singly, one featuring on the catalogue, which must have helped. Also the timing was quite good as it was the 50th anniversary of the Festival of Britain when they were sold.