Saturday 6 June 2009

Unending Misery

God - I thought he had died out there in the rain, but somehow he has crawled back in and was trying to get downstairs, so I carried him down to the goatskin rug where he is now lying. This is absolutely ghastly.

Went downstairs and amazingly, he has managed to crawl up on to my bed. Went down again and he's just lying there sleepily. With hindsight I should have taken him down to the vet last night, but he hates the vet so much. I was hoping he might just die quietly in the garden in the evening. But he clings to life and is a wanderer, it would seem. He seems to be hanging on down there for now. I do hope he stays on the bed, which is at least as comfortable as anything else.

He is still on the bed and seems to have gone to sleep recently. I am incredibly upset by all this. I am creeping about the house, afraid to go out in case he falls on the floor or needs help, though he seems quite beyond anything I can do. I just wish he would die soon, in case he is in any pain, though he is not showing any obvious signs of this. It seems that dying is quite hard work. Makes me think of Dylan Thomas.

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